Unless you’re one of those subhuman cockwads known as “Patriots Fans,” you’ve probably been waiting at least five years to see Tom Brady get anally raped on-field by a freshly-concussed defensive lineman who thinks he’s at a party back in college. It just doesn’t seem like it’s ever gonna happen, does it? Considering the fact that Schaun Colby, the last player to sack Brady, was covertly removed from the NFL record book AND all of our memories by Roger Goodell and the CIA, it’s no surprise that linebackers aren’t jumping at the opportunity to hit him.
Fortunately, though, I’ve secured a Palantír from my homie Sauron (who is a big Bengals fan, strangely), and it looks like that model-screwing asswipe is going to wind up getting what’s coming to him. Apparently a few seasons from now he’s going to take a shot in the kidney from current Iowa farmboy and future Hall of Fame safety Clyde Weatherston. This leads to a lengthy hospitalization, painful rehab for Vicodin addiction, and an embarrassing comeback attempt for the Oneida Indigenous Peoples of the CFL Southern Development Annex. Here’s a glimpse:
